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OzTV: Episode 5

Bailout, schmailout! Who needs mortages and shitty VP running mates when you have awesome youtube videos!!

Beware the Ninja Cat!

Crazy dancin’ fool trombone player

Let’s bring it back down with a nice touching story

Finish it all off with an AMAZING hang drum solo!

CHOW!!


Top 5 Searches People Used to Find my Blog.

1. burning man
2. mystery spot
3. the mystery spot
4. burning man photos
5. burningman

My favorite:

1. twizzler dress
2. castrated man
3. fat naked man
4. alkalai dust - how to clean it off
5. online critical essays for the hippies

I used to get a lot of ‘low hanging balls’ and ‘low balls’ or ‘hairy balls’. I deleted those posts cause I was sick and tired of that shit. Or… balls.


5 Words (that’s all)

1. S’ghetti - its lazy speak for spaghetti
2. Douchebagistan - where douchebags live
3. Google - to search
4. Fucktard - synonymous with ‘douchebag’
5. Coffee Baby - the pooh you take after your morning coffee


5 (not so nice) Tips for New Bikers

1. Do not take your fucking bike on the elevator at BART. Or are you trying to make sure your tampons and Summer’s Eve doesn’t come pouring out your bag while you tromp down the stairs?

2. Do not take your bike on the escalator either. Take the fucking stairs. You’re riding a bike aren’t ya? You could work just a little harder to keep your scotch-taped, bullhorn, hipster-dipped fixie off the fucking escalators and not make it worse for the rest of us.

3. If you are older than 12 years old, do not ride on the sidewalk (unless it says you can). Do I need to hold your hand while you cross the street too?

4. Change your fucking gears. Do you realize how retarded you look when when you’re a flat paved road and pedaling faster than a 21 year old masturbates? Get out of your granny ring.

5. Wear a helmet. Its that simple.

I’ve only been biking for about 3-4 weeks, (quite irregularly), and if I can figure this out THIS early, then you should have no problem in keeping that douchebag scent off of you.


I’ve got a bone to pick, or two

1. Yay! BART now has ‘Bike Spaces’ in a few of its cars. Whee. Even being the fair-weather biker that I am, I appreciate these GREATLY. But I wonder… the little ‘These seats must be given bla bla handicapped, seniors…bla bal” placards are gone. Does this mean we can stay there? Without moving? Cause I’d really like that. Then next time I won’t feel guilty when I feel like punching the wheel chair lady when she gives the ‘Holier than thou, bitch move your two wheels so I can plant my 4 where I’ve so rightly deserved”. You know what… yeah FUCK YOU BITCH. Yes, I know ADA rights… bla bla bla, but I don’t remember ADA giving you the right to act like a fucking cunt when I’m moving my bike out of the way. Be a decent (half) human about it.

2. Google Maps. I was about to go off on a rant about how Google Maps still can’t get their shit straight. Forget that Google HQ is located near one of the US’ major metropolitan areas, or unlimited income at their disposal, but they still can’t route correct. I can’t count the number of times when I’ve tried to get direction to a destination in the Castro or Upper Market.

1. Take Bla Blah Highway
2. Exit towards 101N
3. Turn left onto Market

YOU CANT FUCKING TURN LEFT ON MARKET! Thus I have learned the hard way. So, like a good blogger I was going to do some research (in other words, grab a screen shot) to prove what I was saying. But magically, I can’t make Google Maps turn left onto Market. Hmm, strange.

Or how about the time I tried to get to REI in Mountain View. I followed the directions, turn by turn, driving incredibly hazardously because I can, and where does it lead me to? Fucking Google Headquarter! Hello!! I don’t see REI!!! Ugh… No matter how much searching or rearranging I did, it kept taking me to GoogHQ.

Well I suppose I won’t really have that problem now, with my bike and all, just have to watch out for douchebags like me trying to find REI and getting lost. Beep beep


I’m Back In Your Transit

Pissing you off with my bike.

Look. This is a bike.

This is a bike out of your way on the BART train. Please note the special attention to the turned front wheel so that its parallel with the seat, clearing the back tire of the doors. Ooooooo

QUITCHERBITCHIN’

“Wait… a second.. didn’t you just get your bike?”
Yes, yes I did, ain’t it gorgeous?
“Where do you come off yellin’ at us about complaining about bikes on BART?”
Dear lad, I was bringing bikes on BART before you knew how to save your porn websites to del.icio.us

:D

We’re not all doucebagbikers. Some of us do ride more than one ‘fixed’ gear. And some of us do know how to get our bike out of the way.

Ladies and Gentleman, lets welcome ‘iminurtransit’ back! Yay!


5 Sweet and Easy Windsurfing Tips

1. Look up! It’s that simple, just never EVER look at your equipment. Do you stare at your steering wheel when you drive? Your handlebars when you bike? Didn’t think so.

2. Harness lines: if your sail is pulling forward, adjust your lines forward, pulling you back? Adjust the lines back. You’re looking for the sail’s center of effort.

3. Look towards the direction you want to go. Turning upwind? Look upwind! When you do this, your body’s center of gravity automatically adjusts to make this turn MUCH MUCH easier. Same thing applies to gybes.

4. Keep your sail balanced over the board. Let the board do all the heavy work. Keeping your sail properly balanced over your board allows you to work less on keeping the sail upright. This also helps you prevent from going upwind or downwind when you don’t want to.

5. Don’t stick your butt out. Sounds goofy, looks goofy. Keep your butt tucked in and knees bent. This helps your center of gravity.


Bittersweet

Okay, so I don’t want to curse us, but yes, the oil prices are finally falling.

Why?

I think its partly due to falling demand. If demand falls, so does the price. The costs kept getting higher and higher which lead people to alternative measures of getting around, or changing habits. No one wanted to pay $4.50 a gallon, so we slowed down our consumption.

Now I might have been lit up with glee when I found the $3.99 gas not too long ago, but I’m not going to get comfortable. Just because the prices are dropping, doesn’t mean I’m going to go back to my careful gas-guzzling ways. And its important for everyone else to do the same.

Keep your gas-saving ways going. Be oil cautious. Keep the demand low, keep this in our favor. If we slip again we could easily $5.00 gas.

So take this whole ‘oil crisis’ as a warning. This is nothing new, there have been other gas crises in the past, lets not have another.


Economic Frown, Upside Down

Economy this, economy that. No matter where you are, lately there’s nothing good to be said about our current state of economy.

“Barrels of oil at an all time high”
“Grocery prices through the roof”
“Mortgage crisis”
“Credit crisis”

MY MOOD CRISIS!!

I listen to NPR constantly, I’m sure in the past I’ve expressed my hatred for music radio. Now I love NPR, I do really, but there have been a few times where I’ve had to turn the radio off. Why? Because its getting goddamn fucking depressing.

Story after story of how the Smith family can’t buy steaks any more, or how Tom lost his job, or how milk isn’t the same price as it was last year, and now oil is trading at $448 a barrel. I won’t deny that any of these things are happening, but there are some of us, lucky enough that we haven’t been hit by the economy, we’ve been hit by depression.

I’m a single tax payer, with a few expenses (rent, financing a car, insurance, etc etc) but I’ve never been better off financially. I have more savings than ever, I get better gas mileage than ever, and I’ll soon to be in great shape (future bicycle purchase in the works, and finally cooking at home). This ‘recession’, ‘depression’, ‘economic poop’, is doing wonders for me. I’ve turned this economic frown upside down.

I know I can’t be alone in this. So NPR, new agencies, newspapers, bloggers, whoever, where ever, tell me your positive turns to this economic slump we’re in. If we were to share more positive stories, it’d do everyone some good. If we keep sharing negative stories, then yes, there will be negative results, it hurts our morale, and only sends us further into the abyss.


Curious Pricing

Things like this warm my little recession-ridden heart. $3.99 a gallon found in Dixon, California. But the thing that kills me is why must I travel over 50 miles to find a great gas deal?

You’d think places in the middle of nowhere would keep their prices high because we weary travelers have no other choice. Then cheap gas prices would left up to the urban areas where they have to compete with public transportation.

Wishful thinking I’m sure, but come on it makes sense. Gas prices are on the rise, people resort to public transit, thus decreasing the sale of oil, slightly yes, but still making an impact. If city-dwelling gas stations were smart, they’d lure back the gas guzzlers by lowering prices a tad.

PS Its very VERY sad that excited about $3.99 gas.


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