5 (not so nice) Tips for New Bikers
1. Do not take your fucking bike on the elevator at BART. Or are you trying to make sure your tampons and Summer’s Eve doesn’t come pouring out your bag while you tromp down the stairs?
2. Do not take your bike on the escalator either. Take the fucking stairs. You’re riding a bike aren’t ya? You could work just a little harder to keep your scotch-taped, bullhorn, hipster-dipped fixie off the fucking escalators and not make it worse for the rest of us.
3. If you are older than 12 years old, do not ride on the sidewalk (unless it says you can). Do I need to hold your hand while you cross the street too?
4. Change your fucking gears. Do you realize how retarded you look when when you’re a flat paved road and pedaling faster than a 21 year old masturbates? Get out of your granny ring.
5. Wear a helmet. Its that simple.
I’ve only been biking for about 3-4 weeks, (quite irregularly), and if I can figure this out THIS early, then you should have no problem in keeping that douchebag scent off of you.
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